Blue Collar Scientist

Creationists have hailed the development of a new material for the manufacture of fishing lures, as reported yesterday by Science Daily.

The new lures were developed to reduce the environmental impact of lost “soft baits” like rubber worms and twisters. Such lures do not stay on the hook well, and contain high levels of phthalates, which have been implicated in a variety of health problems.

Creationists have hailed the new technology as a significant leap forward in their efforts to deceive people into accepting anti-evolution propaganda. “This new technology means that we can make even more realistic reproductions that look vaguely like the pictures of fossils we downloaded off the internet” said Hardin Yoyo, author of Atlas of Caddis Fly Ties Misrepresented As Living Insects. The book, weighing in at 23 metric tons, is famous for having pioneered the use of fishing lures in place of live specimens.

While creationists have praised the new technology, it was developed for entirely secular purposes. The new material utilizes microfibers embedded in the soft plastic lure to increase retention of the lure on the hook, and reduce phthalate use in manufacturing. Both reduce the environmental impact of fishing.

Religious interests believe that the new technology could be put to use in a variety of ways.

“It is our hope that with this new material, realistic reproductions of fruit flies might be created, that will allow us to conduct genetics and medical research on an equal footing with the materialist godless scientists,” said Anderson Eggface, of the Theological Genetics Department at the National Institute of Technology in France. “Fruit flies have long been the oppressed slaves of scientific investigators studying mutation and development,” Eggface noted, adding when asked about hox gene influence on development that a fly can be trained to do just about anything. “Scientists are barking up the wrong tree here. It isn’t genes that make legs where fly antennae should go. We just know we have the answer - Goddidit. The ability to make durable fruit flies in whatever shape we desire should push forward our research into the glory of God as revealed in His creation.”

Michael Brayhay, biochemist at Leelow University, added, “Fly legs are irreducibly complex, even if they do grow out of an antenna hole. Therefore, evolution is false. As you can see, that’s a significant limitation of science.”

The new creationist plans were criticized by godless evolutionary biologist Peasey Meyers. “Perhaps for their next great advance they can figure out how to surgically remove the fishhooks from their insect forgeries” he suggested while sorting through octopus pictures his readers had sent in. He questions whether the creationist plans are consistent with humane treatment of research subjects: “Having a fishhook crammed down the center of your body like that has to hurt like hell,” he noted.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, February 27th, 2008 at 8:32 am and is filed under hyperbole and satire. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.